CHOG #12 - ARE YOU APPEALING?
I hope I am. What does it mean to be appealing? Look it up. What are all the strong women of the day thinking about me posing the question, “are you appealing”? Who cares if you are appealing or not? You are who you are with no justification or apologies necessary, with no effort required. Why should we give a rip what anyone thinks about what we look like or if our actions are appealing to others in an effort to entice others to want to be around us? Well, my dear, I think more of us than you might think……
Let’s look at that a bit.
Go to your bathroom. What do you see? Fragrant body soaps, shampoos, conditioners, gels, mousse, hairbrushes, styling tools, hairspray, dry shampoo products, lotions, perfumes, a drawer of make-up items, moisturizers, toothpaste, teeth whitening strips, mouthwash. Shall I go on?
Go to your closet. What do you see? Shirts, dresses, pants, coats, vests, exercise wear (that costs more than a lot of your actual clothes), lounge wear, evening wear, sweaters, necklaces, earrings, rings, sunglasses, rows of shoes, tons of purses.
Shall I go on?
We watch YouTube/Instagram tutorials on how to use a make-up sponge to get a flawless complexion (I thought we shouldn’t care about our flaws and no one else should either) so that we can then spend the next 20 minutes highlighting correctly to get the right shading of our cheekbones on that flawless complexion before we even start with the multiple palettes of eye shadows to broaden and enhance the doe-like look of our eyes, which, of course, now must be enhanced with fake eyelashes. What about the 50 shades of lipsticks, glosses, and plumpers that we buy to create just the right pout?
Shall I go on?
Well, why do you have these things or do all or any of these things? To look good – feel good – to be appealing. And don’t say you do it for yourself sister, because you know that’s just not true. There is NOTHING better than the Saturday and Sunday that you don’t have anything particular to do and you don’t wash your hair, put on make-up, maybe not even bathe for a day (insert giggle giggle). You wear your glasses all day instead of your tinted contact lens. Nothing feels better than that. But then it’s Monday and it’s get up, wash and style your hair, put on your “face”, select your outfit, and go out into the world looking your best, and you bet, that feels good too. If you don’t care what people think about you and whether you are appealing or not, why do you do any of these things? If you want to exist in isolation (as discussed in, Are You a Strong Woman Chog), just get up, maybe take a shower, maybe wash your hair, put on another pair (or the same pair) of black pants, a shirt, and head out. You are a strong and confident woman and people should see your worth right through the unwashed hair and disheveled appearance. You go girl!
But hey, before you get all up in arms, I’m not talking about being a vamp. I’m not talking about looking sexy to be noticed by men. I am talking about being pleasant to the senses. To be appealing. That doesn’t necessarily mean pretty and sexy and get your false eyelashes on and your push-up bra and Jimmy Choos. It means caring enough about yourself to care what others think about you. That strong woman, lady thing I talked about in Chog #3 – being multi-faceted, having depth and dimension. But hey, I mean, as good as I try to look when I leave my house generally, I too head to the grocery store hoping I don’t bump into anyone I know because of my disheveled appearance (insert giggle giggle)!
I propose that for most women, our strategy for what we are going to look like as we leave our house is a whole lot more about what other women we are going to be around think about us than it is about what the men we are going to encounter think about what we look like. We all want to have the best prom dress, the best wedding dress, the best board room attire, the best pair of jeans or tailored suit, or exercise sweats (let’s not forget that burgeoning fashion market….you know, the one where we are not supposed to actually be thinking about what we look like because for goodness sakes, we have on leggings and a running bra so don’t think we are actually dressing to look appealing to anyone!). Please. Did anyone experience this - when the malls first opened after the pandemic lock down, the longest lines to get in a store that I saw in the mall were at Victoria Secret and lululemon? And we don’t care what others think about the way we look? Then get your underwear and running shorts at Walmart girls….
And don’t even get me started on the explosive plastic surgery of ALL kinds that are going on in the hopes of looking good and staving off the natural aging process. The commercials that are touting Botox injections using models that are in their 20s it appears, looking (and being) YOUNG and FABULOUS, I might add, is very telling. I mean we now even have commercials advertising products to make our UNDERARMS more attractive! Things that can be lifted, tightened, and enhanced I didn’t even know I had! But yet in the profound and beautiful face of all I just described, we (women) are STILL supposed to say and act like we don’t care how people perceive the way we look – we are strong women – we don’t have to look good to prove that. Hmm…. Don’t let the fashion Bloggers, beauty industry, plastic surgeons, fashion magazines, and clothing companies in on that little secret! And I guess to conform to the social awareness warriors, just keep the whole “looking good thing” under wraps (an ugly wrap if you have one) too. In a recent magazine’s “beauty edition”, yes, their words, there was a section featuring some of the most beautiful celebrities without make-up. Ha! The muted and gossamer shading of these “natural” photos was laughable. What were they trying to hide, or worse, continue to make the rest of us feel inadequate? THEY are THIS beautiful WITHOUT make-up! Bah!
What I do find sad and counterproductive to success or happiness for women, again, is the social warriors who have led young woman to think that (actually) they should not be appealing to others. In fact, the very act of desiring to be appealing makes you shallow and undeserving of the true meaning of what it means to be a strong woman. Bah! Again, what this ideology seems to have led to, is a lot of young women being alone. Marriage and even relationships are at an all-time low – that phrase, self-coupled…hmm? Loneliness and isolation and depression are at an all-time high. Is it all because of an attitude of “like me for what I am and not what I look like” mentality? If it is, then ladies, you are missing the point. And maybe it’s just the era I was born in like I propose in Chog #1 that forms our opinions and makes us who we are – that’s certainly possible of the way I feel about wanting to be appealing.
I love that I can slop around in a disheveled (and comfortable) state around my husband on a Sunday and he (if he even notices that I am disheveled) doesn’t mind at all. And I love when I come out of my room all dressed for whatever I am about to do and he admires me (that, he always notices). I beam unashamedly. I bet these two situations exist for a lot of women as well...and we aren't even aware that these two dimensions of ourselves even exist....
But I would like to leave you with this. Who wants to be around someone who doesn’t take an interest in themselves? How can that person possibly take an interest in others?
Next up……What’s Going on With the Education System?
Always remember to insert a giggle giggle and be your best "red dancing girl emoji"~